Somebody's Nobody

Growing up I have always been aware of how "different" I was to people. Up until about the 7th grade I was the tallest girl in my classes which would have been nice if I was slender instead of being built like a linebacker. My family was also considered poor because financially we were under the poverty line, so I never had the latest and greatest fads - maybe the knockoffs. I wasn't allowed to go to friends' houses (when I had friends), and I had a mountain of chores being the oldest of 7 kids. By the time I started High School I knew I wasn't ever going to be popular, have a ton of friends, or be successful - I know this post is starting to sound like a pity party, well it's not, KEEP READING.

As an adult I had learned to be a wallflower, to help when I could but not to be a leader or facilitator of anything because no one cared. I learned this was the safest place to be without commitment and hurt. In the last year I have entered into a season where I am available to a few hundred people to serve. The wellness program where I volunteer is the focal point and helping my "boss" implement ideas to help the officers I have been called to serve. And then BAM! God gives me a vision. And when I say a vision, I mean idea for what He wants me to do with the position He has placed me in. But who am I? I am nobody. I don't hold rank within the PD, or my church. How am I supposed to do anything when I am nobody? "I don't even make a paycheck, you gotta be kidding me God!", was my reaction.

As I cried driving to work one day after being frustrated about how I was supposed to get the "vision" moving, telling God, "I am nobody", "I don't have position and I certainly am not one of the popular from our church" and then "Lord, I am not seen by anyone!"...How well does He know His children? He whispered to my heart, "I have called you by name and you are mine. You are My beloved, Daddy's girl. My Princess, My Warrior. You are set apart for exactly where I have called you." Wouldn't you know - tears! God wasn't speaking to my emotions, He was speaking to the brokenness I have carried for all these years, He was affirming who I am to Him because I am HIS Nobody, which makes me somebody.

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned (called) you by name, and you are mine." Isaiah 43:1 NIV (emphasis added). It is not by mistake I am where I am, God has placed me in this position, for His plan, purpose, and glory - not mine. I may not have the means to get this vision off the ground, but God does. I may not have the connections I think I need to get things done but He will open doors and bring favor. God sees me even when I think no one else does because I am His nobody. Hagar after being mistreated by Sarai is out in the desert, pregnant and exposed to the elements. She wasn't even a Hebrew, yet God saw her even though she was a nobody, "You are the God who sees me" she says, (Genesis 16:13). ADONAI EL ROI - The God who sees.

In her moment of despair, Hagar cried out to the God of her mistress to help her, and HE SAW HER! Hagar, a servant, a nobody! Not only did God see her but He also gave her a promise she would be the mother of many descendants, " I will so increase you descendants that they will be too numerous to count." Genesis 16:10 NIV. Hagar the nobody was now Hagar the one who was seen by Somebody. When I began this journey 4 years ago by losing my job, I never imagined I would be the hands and feet of Jesus in a police station, but here I am. And when I thought I was a nobody, God made me His somebody. God has been orchestrating things in my life to bring me to where He has prepared. "For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made", Psalms 139:13-14 NIV. You see, you are somebody because the God of everything saw fit to make you, to make me. So, if you are feeling unseen, invisible, or like a nobody....Remember - YOU belong to the Somebody of the Nobody which makes you somebody.

WARRIOR ON!