Take My Heart, Not the Toilet Paper!

"The toilet paper is gone again" <insert sigh, eyeroll, choice words>, as I leave Costco without the coveted TP. In the last 18+ months the world seems to have gone topsy turvy and completely bassackwards. As I was reading my Bible I happened to land in the the story of Abraham and the almost sacrifice of Isaac (Genesis 22). I have read this narrative many times but what happened to grab my attention was verses 8 and 14 and the beauty found there. "Abraham answered, 'God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.'"(vs.8)..."So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."(vs.14) NIV. The emphasis for me isn't the word "provision" in the sense of the physical, monetary, or comfort but the provision of peace, comfort, and assurance given to Abraham in this pretty trying moment. Abraham wasn't just being tested but he in fact sacrificed Isaac without putting the knife to him. We know Isaac was the center of Abraham and Sarah's heart, the promise come true (Genesis 21:2-4), and God wanted that piece of Abraham's heart - would he give it? Yes! And without question or doubt, from what we read.

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Abraham was absolute in his relationship with God, he somehow knew that provision would be made for the sacrifice. Maybe he thought God would bring Isaac back to life after the sacrifice or that Isaac wouldn't die when sacrificed, who knows? But what spoke to me in this narrative was that I have nothing I can give God that already doesn't belong to Him....other than my whole heart. Abraham was just as human as I am and I am pretty sure his own mind raced with questions, fear, maybe doubt but he continued up that mountain with Isaac in tow. What is evident is Abraham didn't live in those emotions, he lived in the knowledge of who God is - Jehovah Jireh, the LORD of provision. Not just of the ram that would replace Isaac as the sacrifice but He would provide peace, reassurance, and strength. This is where I sat for a while in that provision.

God has been the provision of all the physical and monetary comforts my family and I have been able to rely on and enjoy. But it's so much more than that, He provides the peace I need when I'm about to lose it. He gives me comfort in all I do is for my purpose and His Kingdom, He strengthens me when I feel like I cannot go on any longer. JEHOVAH JIREH - God Provides. So as I sat looking at these 2 passages specifically, it began to stir my heart and I began to pray. I asked the LORD to provide compassion within my heart because I know I lack this in my life. I asked Him to provide favor in where He has placed me to serve. I asked Him to provide enlightenment of my purpose. I asked Him to provide love for those I have a difficult time loving. I asked Him to provide joy and contentment within me - Jehovah Jireh.

You see, it's not about the stuff He provides, it's about the heart He provides. When we decide to follow Christ, we are provided a new life (2 Cor. 5:17), we are provided a clean slate (Rom. 10:9-10), we are provided an eternal home (John 5:24) and we know of this provision because our heart becomes His (Rom. 12:2). God shares His Heart with us, provides for us the character and attributes we need to fulfill His calling in and on our lives. God provides all we need within us, the tangible is just a bonus. I have wondered why those who live in complete poverty have more peace, happiness, and joy than some of us who have so much. Could it be that we are so busy focusing on the tangible rather than remaining content with Jehovah Jireh alone? I know some people who are sincerely joyful and are in some pretty messed up circumstances yet that will not effect their faith, love, and joy for God. Ultimately that is what I became aware of...my contentment is being based on the tangible rather than Him being enough. My heart isn't completely His.

I know Im not the only one who feels this way and this is the reason for this little blog of mine, to let you know you are not alone. Those things you struggle with as a believer, I struggle with too. And for those of you who may be reading this that may not be a Christian, it's to let you see that we aren't perfect regardless of how we "act". Oh ya, I said it, but I know I need Jesus to be a better version of myself - daily! And there is nothing I can do in my own power but Jehovah Jireh who gives me the understanding of where I fall short. As I looked at my limited options of toilet paper I allowed my emotions to get the best of me. My emotions just like everyone else are pretty sensitive in our crazy world but if we allow God to be the provider of our peace rather than the TP isle we would be happier, joyful, kinder, gentler with the world around us. So I ask you to step back for a moment from the emotion and ask God to be JEHOVAH JIREH of your heart and together we can be absolute in our relationship with God, as absolute as Abraham.

Warrior On!